Impact OF Being Raised to Grind, & Taught to sELF aBANDON
If you’ve ever told yourself, “I should be doing more”—even when you’re running on empty—you’re not alone. For so many adult children of immigrants or those raised by emotionally immature caregivers, the idea of rest doesn’t feel like a right. It feels like guilt. Laziness. Weakness.
But what if we reframed that narrative?
What if rest is resistance?
What if rest is how we reclaim our humanity?
Why Rest Feels So Hard
Many of us were raised in homes where survival was the priority. Maybe your parents worked multiple jobs, navigated language barriers, or carried the weight of intergenerational trauma without ever having the space to process it. In those environments, hustle equaled safety. Productivity meant worth. And rest? Rest was something you had to “earn”—if it was allowed at all.
These survival-based beliefs don’t just vanish as we get older. Instead, they become internalized voices:
“You’re being lazy.”
“Don’t be ungrateful.”
“There’s no time to rest when there’s so much to do.”
But here’s the truth: Feeling tired and unmotivated isn’t a moral failure.
It’s often a nervous system response to chronic stress, emotional neglect, or unresolved trauma.
🧠 The Science: How Trauma Affects Motivation and Energy
If you’re asking yourself, “Why am I always tired and unmotivated?”—consider this: your body may be stuck in survival mode.
Let’s look at it through the lens of polyvagal theory, which explains how the nervous system responds to stress. When your brain detects a threat (even emotional or relational ones), it triggers one of three states:
Fight or Flight: You feel anxious, irritable, restless. You stay busy to avoid discomfort.
Freeze or Shutdown: You feel numb, disconnected, exhausted. This often looks like “laziness” but is actually a sign your system is overwhelmed.
Safety and Connection: This is where rest, creativity, and healing happen—but many of us didn’t grow up knowing how to access this state.
So no, you're not broken or lazy. You’re likely navigating the effects of chronic emotional stress and inherited trauma—and your body is doing its best to protect you.
From Hustle to Healing: Rest as REVOLUTIONARY
Rest is not a reward for productivity.
Rest is your birthright.
When we choose rest—especially when it feels unnatural—we’re breaking generational cycles. We’re saying: “I don’t have to sacrifice my wellness to prove my worth.”
This is especially revolutionary for adult children of immigrants, who often carry the unspoken belief: If I stop, I dishonor my family’s sacrifices.
But what if honoring your ancestors means not recreating their suffering?
Gentle Ways to Practice Rest (Without Guilt)
Here are a few ways to begin restoring your relationship with rest:
Micro-Rest Moments: Sit in stillness for 2 minutes. Breathe. Let your body settle.
Practice Saying No Without Explaining Yourself: Your worth isn’t tied to your output or availability.
Reframe Your Inner Narrative: Replace “I’m lazy” with “I’m listening to my body.” That shift alone is radical.
Move Toward “Safe Enough” Spaces: Choose environments and relationships that support your healing, not your hustle.
Remember: rest is not the opposite of progress. Rest fuels your progress.
Rest as Self-Trust
Choosing to rest is choosing to believe you are enough—even when you're not producing, fixing, or achieving. It's an act of self-trust, a way to tell your nervous system: you are safe now.
Rest is how we move from surviving to thriving.
Rest is how we reclaim joy, creativity, and connection.
Rest is resistance. And it is sacred.
Ready to Reclaim Rest?
If rest feels unsafe, unfamiliar, or like something you’ve never been “allowed” to experience—therapy can help. Together, we’ll untangle those internalized beliefs and reconnect you with your right to rest, restore, and just be.
