“Ni de Aquí, Ni de Allá” – The Mental Health Struggles Adult Children of Immigrants Don’t Talk About

When I opened my private practice, I started receiving more and more inquiries from individuals looking for something specific. They weren’t just looking for therapy—they were looking for someone who could understand their culture, their upbringing, and the unique emotional tug-of-war they’ve lived in their whole lives.

Many of them described feeling like they didn’t fully belong anywhere. Despite doing everything “right”—getting the degree, the job, checking all the boxes—they still struggled with a quiet, constant voice whispering:

“You’re not enough.”

Not immigrant enough.
Not American enough.
Not struggling enough to justify your mental health challenges.

If you’re an adult child of immigrants, chances are you’ve heard that voice too.

The Pressure to Be “Enough” in Two Worlds

Many of us were raised with the unspoken expectation that we had to make our parents’ sacrifices “worth it.” That meant striving, overachieving, and keeping it together—no matter what.

But in doing so, we often silenced our own needs.

We learned how to survive, not how to ask for help.
We learned to work hard, not how to rest without guilt.
We learned to translate everything—language, emotions, and expectations—but not how to fully be ourselves.

Being “ni de aquí, ni de allá” (“not from here, not from there”) becomes more than a saying—it becomes a wound. And left unspoken, that wound can grow into perfectionism, burnout, anxiety, or a sense that no matter how far you go, it’s never enough.

Inherited Expectations: The Emotional Cost of Parentification

If you were the one filling out forms, translating in doctor’s offices, or soothing your parents’ emotions from a young age, you were parentified. That means you stepped into a caregiving role before you were developmentally ready.

And while that responsibility may have made you strong, it also may have shaped your sense of worth.

You might believe your value comes from helping others, never being a burden, or always showing up for your family—even at your own expense.

But caregiving is not your only identity. You deserve space to just be.

Why Therapy Feels Taboo in Immigrant Families

For many adult children of immigrants, seeking therapy isn’t just a personal decision—it feels like a cultural one.

“What will my family think?”
“Doesn’t this mean I’m weak?”
“I should be grateful—I have nothing to complain about.”

These beliefs are deeply rooted in survival and cultural norms that taught us to keep struggles within the family—or not talk about them at all.

But here’s the truth:Seeking therapy is not dishonoring your family. It’s honoring yourself.
And when you heal, you shift the legacy for those who come after you.

Reclaiming Your Story

Healing as an adult child of immigrants starts with acknowledging the unique intersection of identities you carry—and letting go of the belief that your struggles need to be “severe enough” to matter.

You are allowed to feel conflicted.
You are allowed to have boundaries.
You are allowed to need support—even if your parents never had it.

Affirmation for the ACI Soul

You don’t have to prove your pain.
You don’t have to earn your rest.
You don’t have to perform your worth.

You are already enough.

Ready to Start Your Healing Journey?
At SanaMente Wellness, I provide culturally responsive, trauma-informed therapy for adult children of immigrants across Texas. If you’re ready to reclaim your story and thrive on your own terms, I’m here to support you.

Contact me at adry@sanamentewellness.com or learn more at www.sanamentewellness.com